Issa Rae had me in my feelings...

This season of Issa Rae's "Insecure" was a whole vibe. She covered relationship reconciliation, dismantled friendships, successes in work, and so much more. But the one thing that stuck out to me the most, was the obvious issue of postpartum depression. So, let me give you some backstory. There's a married couple- Tiffany and Derek- who have just welcomed a baby girl into the world. Shortly after the birth of their baby, Tiffany is shown being open to help from her husband and friends, later in the season, enjoying a night out and not wanting to go home, and then even "joking" about not liking her baby. Well, that all leads to the last episode. ***INSERT SPOILER ALERT HERE***...Tiffany runs away without telling anyone where she is going, leaving her husband friends and to find her. When they do, she is makeup-free and weave-less (which is unusual for the always put-together Tiff), and she is completely out of it. It was in that moment that my heart broke for this character. I'm not one of those women who cry from a movie or t.v. show, but chiiiiiiiile, this story line resonated with me so heavy.

In 2017, I was preparing to have 2 babies under the age of two...Yes... while one child had not yet turned 1, my husband and I were preparing for the newest child I was carrying. Honestly, I was afraid of the challenge, and I literally cried everyday of the first trimester. I kept questioning how this happened considering I was on birth control, how we would be able to sustain (because babies are EXPENSIVE), and how not one but TWO young children would change everything. But, I had no clue of the huge drop I was about to face from the emotional roller-coaster I had now been forced to ride.

While pregnant, I was still loving on my husband and caring for our existing children. Every now and then, I would find myself in emotional spirals. Sometimes high. Sometimes low...but I felt like I pretty much had it under control. "It's just pregnancy hormones...", was typically what I would chalk my mood swings up to....and I did that the entire pregnancy. I was more ready to deliver than people knew. I had "gotten over" the fear of 2 under 2 and just wanted to see my newest bundle of joy, while yearning to not be sick at the smell of food and being so emotional about everything. FINALLY, enters baby boy.

It was after the birth of our last baby, when I began to consistently see the changes in my overall behavior. I cried. I lashed out. I cried. I snapped at people. I cried. I cried...and cried some more. Okay...I cried A WHOLE LOT, mmkay?! I eventually told my husband that I didn't feel right and he allowed me to talk until I would feel better. At first, I tried to pass it off as a case of baby blues, but this was much worse. I found out later, while I would talk over my feelings with him, he had gone into spiritual warfare on my behalf. I shared with him that I believed I was suffering from postpartum depression. I expressed the same to a few of my close friends and family. They made it okay for me to vent when I needed to. They gave me a safe space without judgement. I realized it was okay to not be okay. I was able to face it head on. I did not seek professional help because I was afraid of being encouraged to take medicine to help me feel better. I, personally, didn't want to depend on that. My family and friends stepped in to help me in every area they could possibly think of...they loved on me...they prayed for me. I was able to have bad days and have good moments when I felt up to it...and as some time went on I was able to pray for myself. I had originally felt shamed for going to God about a spirit that is unlike Him, but God gave me peace INSTANTLY. It was like He came and wrapped his arms around me. It WAS okay! God understood my stronghold and He had been there with me all along. HONEY!!!!!! I remember getting the best sleep after that. Things had become easier. Parenting no longer felt like a burden for me anymore. I was able to reconnect with my husband. The smile and positive vibes my family and friends were used to getting from me had returned. Bri was back...but it took me being honest with myself and being open with God!

The reality is, sometimes things are not fine...and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Pay attention to your feelings and know that you do not have to fake the funk. Your feelings matter....they are justified. If you are having trouble, find someone you trust and be open with them. I am firm believer that it takes a village in all relationships, including the one with yourself. Get you a solid village boo! They won't let you do life on your own.

So, yes.... Issa Rae had me in my feelings. I remembered those times. Watching that episode made me realize not everyone is as fortunate to deal with postpartum depression the way that I was able to. Some may or may not have the support that I had. Others may not recognize the signs as early. Whatever the case, pray and seek help. Tell someone what you are feeling. If you decide to find a therapist...FIND A THERAPIST. Know that The Lord is there with you the entire time and talking to a therapist does not mean you don't love Jesus/ vice versa. Postpartum depression is real! Depression, in general, is REAL! Mama, you deserve to be healthy, physically and emotionally...SPIRITUALLY AND MENTALLY. You are never alone. God is with you every step of the way.

I love you!


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